Victim of Child Sex abuse

After I wrote my blog yesterday, it stirred up old feelings and memories. Has that ever happened to you? A particular smell or action triggers an old memory. The best thing I have found is to pick my bible, open it up to a random page and begin reading. The Lord takes my pain away and replaces my terrible thoughts with his word! Works every time!

However I got involved in the Word and stayed up until 4 am reading. I am tired today but very blessed!

When I was seven I was raped by a family member and it continued until another family member stopped it. Only to take over himself with the abuse. This continued until I was 15 years old. I was marked for life as a victim and didn’t realize the trauma that comes with sexual abuse. I tried everything to remove the memories that haunted me daily. I even went to therapy, nothing helped. As soon as I closed my eyes I would dream of the nightmares that replayed in my daily. My family was not supportive at all. Both of my parents were alcoholics and my brothers and sisters had long moved away. I later found out they had been abused by the same individual in their childhood.

I finally after all these years have come to terms with the fact that there is nothing I can do to change my past. I must deal with it or I will not move forward in my life. I was determined not to let their actions ruin and/or run my life anymore.

I still struggle with the memories from time to time. I have learned one main point in all these years – I did nothing wrong! It was not my fault!